redemption and forgiveness

I struggled with this for a long time. Many people come to me and ask how they can forgive someone who has done something terrible to them. They believe that if they forgive this person they are essentially saying that it’s ok that they did what they did; or that they will be able to forget about it. This comes up often around the issues of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. It also comes up when there has been a betrayal of trust; cheating, lying, or abandonment, etc.

I don’t believe that forgiveness means that it’s Ok that this happened; I also don’t believe that we ever forget. I do see that through understanding something deep and painful can be released. Understanding how this person got to be the kind of person that would do such a thing. If we look at their lives we often see that they were abused, and that they have suffered deeply. This does not justify their behavior or make it OK, but we see that what happened to them led them to do this to us. We can see that they are suffering also. When we see this, something lets go inside of us. Often compassion arises. I always suggest that people look for understanding. It doesn’t make it Ok, or make us forget, but we get it.

What is harder is self-forgiveness, or self-understanding. If we look hard enough understanding will come. Just like we might do for others, we see that the behaviors came from inner pain, from suffering. But somehow this is not enough for us, it may be useful when applied to others, but when we use this on ourselves the bad actions seem unforgiveable. I believe this comes from being separated from source (from consciousness) and our true nature. Everyone goes through this separation, it seems to be a necessary part of our evolution. We must develop an individual separate identity before we can regain the knowledge that we are all One; that not only are we connected to consciousness, but we are consciousness. This disconnection creates a feeling of being unworthy. So even though we may understand that our past traumas led us to do the thing we have shame around, we cannot quite let it go.

Here is where redemption comes in.

I understand the difference between forgiveness and redemption as the difference between letting go of blame, and wiping something clean. Redemption occurs automatically, naturally when we know we are consciousness itself. We cannot bring about redemption it is the result of a shift in perspective, from being the separate person to being consciousness itself.

When we forgive, or understand we can still feel the sting of what happened, maybe even the pain of it, but we are no longer angry at, or hate, the person that inflicted the wound. For me I was able to understand why I did the things that I felt guilt and shame about. For some things the self blame eased up, for other things the guilt and shame remained strong, unmoving.

When there is redemption, there is no residue; it has been energetically cleared.  You may remember what happened, but there is no trace of hurt or anger. This is true when someone has done something to us, or when we have done something to others. Sometimes even the memory has been wiped clean. This was true for me in some instances. There are some events that I will only recall if I am reminded, but they are not there waiting for me to think about them. It’s like there is an empty space, where the event used to be.

When I finally deeply knew that what I am is consciousness itself I found relief. This knowing allowed me to see that the things I did occurred because I thought I was a separate person, and everyone around me were separate as well. The hurtful things I did, could only have been done by a person that was disconnected from their true nature. Resting as consciousness itself, none of the pain is there, it is open and empty. When you know you are consciousness, then you also know that everyone else is consciousness as well. You know that there is only one consciousness. So whatever I do to you, I am doing to myself.

Shifting back into the perspective of consciousness, empty, yet alive, and loving.  The knowing that I am a person, points to the understanding that I as a person am arising in the knowing or in consciousness. The pain, hurt, shame, anger, guilt, don’t exist in consciousness. Consciousness is free. Everything arises in consciousness, including the person I appear to be. Instead of leaning into the apparent separate person, if I lean into that which is conscious of the person, and conscious of the abuse, or betrayal, or abandonment. I can see, and know that what I am is consciousness itself. There is only one consciousness. Everything is held in this oneness; nothing is judged, there is only compassion. This to me is redemption, all the traumas, pain, shame, self-hatred, unworthiness are wiped away in the recognition of our true nature. More accurately it ceases to  exist in our true nature.